


It's the Future and it Can't be Stopped

by vojir



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Insomnia, Outer Space, Spaceships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 12:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vojir/pseuds/vojir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm the master of Shakarian lite drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes space is described as black, but it’s not. It’s blue. A deep, navy blue that seems black until you spend days, months, years, staring out at the galaxy from an observation deck on a frigate — and then you realize. The universe is blue.

You cross your arms and turn off your brain for a moment, forgetting the crushing weight of the world that rests upon your shoulders. No more humans back on Earth needing your help. No more turians dying, no more Garrus worrying about his family.

No more Mordin sacrificing himself because someone else might get it wrong. No more making promises that you fear you can’t keep.

Just the blue of galaxy.

You can tell Garrus worries about how much time you spend on the observation deck. You can’t bring yourself to admit to him the bonecrushing, airsucking, paralyzing fear that chills your blood each time you even glance at your N7 helmet or the vidcomm to Hackett. But it’s too much. It’s too much to share with anyone, even the one being in the galaxy who you possibly think could handle it.

It’s unfair.

It’s unfair that this weight is on you, and you alone, but you must bear it; not only for your sake, but for the sake of protecting not just Garrus but Mordin’s sacrifice and Wrex and Eve’s progress and Joker and EDI and Kaidan and Liara and Ashley’s memory and —

This is the reason you can’t sleep. You open your eyes and take in the galaxy.

It’s something worth saving.

You just hope you’ve got it in you.


	2. On Acceptance and Conviction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard is one of those people that strikes me as the type to be a pessimist but in a very contradictory way. (At least, that's how I played them.)

It’s not even a thought process any more. Eject clip, lean out of cover, scope, fire. Repeat. You feel a mild thrill as a rocket whizzes over your head just as you drop back behind the wall, but that’s the tenth such time that’s happened. Adrenaline can only pump so fast.

You glance over at Garrus as you feel a wave of fatigue wash through you, knowing you have a thousand more enemies to kill and a hundred treaties to broker and a quadrillion people to save before you can sleep. That one ancient Robert Frost poem seems especially fitting in the moment, and though you’re a simple person with simple goals, for a moment you wish that you weren’t so strong. So stubborn. That you’d died on Akuze, and some other marine had survived. 

That the galaxy wasn’t depending on you.

You lean out of cover, fire, and watch dispassionately as another rocket flies by. You eject your thermal clip and lean out of cover once more. Garrus shouts “Nice shot!” as a head explodes in your scope, but you’re too busy ejecting and leaning to acknowledge him.

You’re always too busy.

Even getting downtime on the Citadel feels like a chore, because everyone wants something. A cultural item from their homeworld or more supplies or a place to go. You’ve taken to delegating most tasks to Kaidan or Traynor, and taking your “shore leave” in the port observation deck.

You curl up in the corner and watch the stars, watch the ships float by in silence. Watch the galaxy spin, in its blueness and its vibrance.

Sure, it’s worth saving. But every time a distress signal is routed to the Normandy, every time you watch a thermal clip chunk out of your rifle, you feel your soul get a little heavier. And you’re worried. That it won’t be enough. Even though it has to be, because this war can’t be lost. 

(What if we lose?)  
(What if we all die?)  
(What if you fail?)

There’s a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy waiting on Chakwas’ desk for you to come back. Maybe you’ll drink it, maybe you won’t.

But you’ll make sure she does.


	3. I'm Proud of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anderson and Shepard's father-daughter relationship is really great and really heartbreaking.

You look over as he says he’s proud of you, but by the time you choke out your thank you he’s gone. Bruises cover his face and neck and he looks so tired even in death. You still say his name. It feels obligatory, even though you know. You knew as soon as the black tendrils crept through the room and the Illusive Man clenched his hand into a fist and your finger suddenly wasn’t yours. It was firing. And even though Anderson was still standing then, it was for the same reason you were still standing.

There were no other options.

You pull your hand away from your side, glance down. It’s warm. You can barely see your skin under the sticky blood coating it, which is strange because you don’t feel anything but tired. Your face is numb. Your legs are numb. Your hand is warm.

Hackett radios in. Says there’s something wrong. You try to make your way to the console to check, because you opened the arms it should be fine we should have won by now but you can’t. You can’t feel your limbs and they’re shaking too much to support you, so you collapse.

You’re finished. The fatigue creeps its way through your bones, whispering that you’ve already won. You’ve done enough. Anderson is proud of you. Garrus is proud of you. Wrex is proud of you.

A light flares. A platform detaches from the floor and lifts you to the ceiling.

It’s not over yet. But it soon will be.


	4. i missed you but i don't know how to say it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus' moral dilemma is pretty much my favorite mission in ME2, even though it was relatively short. A pretty short piece from his perspective.

"what do you want from me, shepard?" you ask her, because she's pushing you and not everybody's perfect like she is. you can't be the good guy all the time, because the good guy doesn't get revenge. he talks and talks and makes arrests and people die anyway because it's never what you wanted or expected.

(you went back to the citadel after you helped take down saren. it felt right, but only because of what shepard said.)

("you can't predict how people will act, garrus. but you can control how you'll respond. in the end, that's what really matters.")

(you'd told her that you'd never met anyone like her. because it was true. she was noble, and brave, and fair. she was strong and an exceptional commander. you'd always wondered why she hadn't risen farther in alliance ranks.)

she looks away and you're so angry but she's pretty much the only friend you have left in this whole messed up galaxy that you're scared to say anything more. you want to be your best because you want her to be proud of you, which is such a weird fucking thing to want from someone the same age as you but it's true. two years she was dead. two years and you didn't know what to do because she had given you direction and then vanished.

they didn't need your help on the citadel. and she probably would have objected to your ideas for omega, but she wasn't around anymore, now was she? she was dead.

she was dead and you'd watched the ship drift in flames as you sat, safe, in the escape pod. it had taken all your willpower not to strangle joker when you landed, because that fucker was the reason she was dead. he refused to leave and she saved him and how many times had she laughed about sacrificing herself for her crew? how many times had she stood at the helm with joker and berated him and told stories about her colony days and been his friend?

kaidan punched him. he punched joker and then sat on the ground and didn't cry and it was terrifying, because there was a pall of grief and loss and anger and you could see joker's hatred of himself in his eyes. and for weeks, for weeks the hole where the commander was sucked at your chest like a vicious wound that wouldn't stop bleeding.

and they left. everyone left, because without the commander they didn't really have anything in common. you went to omega. liara went to illium. kaidan went back to the alliance. wrex went back to tuchanka. the normandy was gone, and her crew with it.

and then she showed up at the last moment you expected her to, with two cerberus agents and scars on her face. acting like nothing had happened. like it had only been a day since you defeated saren and sovereign and she wanted to go out for drinks like you had when she was alive.

her face is lit by the glow from the citadel. blue and bright. she has dark hair and dark eyelashes and bright eyes and she stopped you from shooting that piece of shit harkin (even though she told you about him hitting on her and she laughed but you could tell she was angry). and here she was, trying to talk you out of killing sidonis.

you struggle with the morality of it. sidonis was responsible for the deaths of every single member of your team. he was a traitor, filthy, reprehensible and hateful. but the reappearance of shepard had sent your life wheeling hard to port (as kaidan might have said). you had expected to die back there on omega, broken down eventually by the blue suns and eclipse and blood pack. and maybe (you would never admit this) you felt a little relieved as you were sitting there sniping one merc after another, knowing that at some point they were gonna shoot you before you could shoot them. maybe you (shut up) were going to be (no, stop) glad for the sleep. but then she walked in and you didn't know what to think or feel.

you wanted to kill him. it would be the simple way to do it. but shepard never goes for simple. she goes for saving everybody (or almost) and redemption (if possible). you are 99% sure that sidonis can't be redeemed and you can't be convinced otherwise. you are also sure that shepard will exploit the tiny 1% of you that wonders if sidonis is being punished enough by his conscience already.

"look, he'll be here soon. that spot over there is perfect. i'll go set up."

shepard looks at you but you're already climbing out of the shuttle. you kind of know what's going to happen, but you trust her and for now that's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god this wasn't supposed to be so LONG


End file.
